The Mother- Child Dyad

When an infant comes into the world the first contact is with the “mother”. The “mother” plays a central role in the infant’s development. By development it is both the physical and psychological development. The infant goes through a myriad of feelings and it is very vital for the mother to be able to contain all those feelings which are being projected by the infant. By providing a “holding environment” the mother gives a sense of security and comfort to the growing infant. This holding is the “physical holding” by the mother as well as the “psychological holding”.

Another important mental activity that the “mother” engages with the baby is the art of “mirroring”. Mirroring is the ability to respond back to the child. For example, when the mother and baby are playing and the baby looks at the mother and smiles the mother would reciprocate the smile back.

 The baby starts to develop a sense of self through the “mother”.  In the early years of infancy there is no such differentiation in the infant’s mind between himself/ herself and the mother. They believe they are one “unit”. Gradually as the infant starts to grow and begins to get a sense of his/ her surroundings and the fact that the mother is a separate entity and is located in the external world the concept of the “I” start to emerge and with that develops the “other”. This recognition is a major milestone in the psychological makeup of the infant. The “mother” in the external world begins to get internalized into the child’s mind. This process of internalization is very important. The baby then does not then always need the “mother” to be physically present as he/ she has that internal image of the “mother” in his/ her mind. This “mother” is not an ideal mother and at times does fail to gratify the infant’s needs. This failure is a healthy sort of a failure as it teaches the infant the impingements by reality.

When the infant is in its first six months of infancy he/ she tends to have a split image of this “mother” in the external world i.e. the mother is seen as all good and a benevolent figure as opposed to the bad mother who does not gratify the baby’s needs. The baby actually believes that there are two separate mothers. Gradually as the infant starts to grow he/ she starts to process that fact that it is the same mother who at times is caring and nurturing and also unable to satiate his/ her needs. 

This integration that happens is a very important development that takes place at a psychological level. The failure of this integration can later on lead to pathologies and neurosis in adulthood.

Fantasy, Creativity and Reality

Every child has a rich fantasy life. We as teachers and parents have a lot to explore about them through their “fantasy world”. You can see this world of theirs from a very young age, through the kind of stories they tell us, drawings they make and role plays they enact. It is a very spontaneous and natural process and is very healthy for each child to possess.

The fantasies the child exhibits becomes then the stepping stone to his/ her creativity. As they grow older their fantasies start to evolve and become more complex. They tend to identify with cartoon characters which are “omnipotent” and may even start to “idealize” certain people. Fantasies also manifest in the form of dreams. Dreams are wish-fulfilments and play a significant role in forming a part of their imaginary life. Children who are inhibited in their fantasy show a lack in creativity and also in expressing their feelings. Children must be given the space and time to invest in this fantasy world of theirs. It is one of the important mental processes that gives birth to new ideas and learning and helps in shaping the child as a whole.

The fantasy life contains the “internalized” mental images of the child’s parental figures and other important figures around them. If one looks at their fantasy life carefully one can see these relationships being played out by the child. Some children might display constructive or destructive fantasies. If as a parent or teacher you feel that his/ her fantasies are not quite normal then one must intervene and seek the help of a psychotherapist in order to help the child overcome the disturbance he/ she is facing. The role of the therapist is to try and understand the child through his/ her play, verbal communication and non- verbal cues. The therapist works with what is called the “transference” and “counter- transference” that takes place within the therapeutic process. Transference is the repetition of the patient’s past relationships with his/ her parental figures which is then enacted with the therapist within the therapeutic process. Counter- transference is the therapist’s feelings towards the patient and plays a key role in understanding the transference. The therapist tries to give words and meanings to the child’s feelings, and gradually tries to bring a change in those areas which are dysfunctional. This task for the therapist is humongous and requires a lot of time and resilience. The therapy process is a journey that the therapist makes with the child in understanding the different layers of the mind. The therapist gives interpretations to help the child understand his/ her actions, behaviour and what could be the reason behind it.

As much as fantasy is an important mental process so is “reality- testing”. They both run parallel to each other. But if a child’s fantasy world starts to get too powerful it might then blur the existing reality for him/ her. For example, if a very young child has an “imaginary friend” that is some toy to whom he/ she shares his/ her thoughts to and confides in, it would be considered a normal stage of development but if this same child continues to show this sort of behaviour when he/ she is much older that’s when one should be concerned. There is a thin line between fantasy and reality and ones needs to keep a vigilant eye on whether the child is always in his bubble of fantasy or goes into that bubble but is able to return back into his world of reality.

All these memories, experiences and fantasies go on to shape his/ her adulthood and become the foundation for more complex personality structures.

By Natasha Trivedi

(Psychotherapist/ Psychologist)

MORTALS V/S IMMORTALS

“Bollywood” has always fascinated me in terms of the spice, glamour quotient, style, songs and cinema of course. It is evolving and exploring new areas of cinemas but my mind tends to see something so intriguing. I am talking about this sharp distinction made between the genders in “Bollywood” wherein the male gender (hero) has been given this so called tag of “immortality” while the female gender (heroine) the tag of “mortality”. I use these tags of immortality and mortality in a symbolic way to show that the “hero” is seen in so many infinite angles as opposed to the heroine who is seen through just one lens. The audience plays a very pivotal role in fuelling this illusion. It is acceptable for a hero to have two lives i.e. a professional and personal life but is so indigestible to even fathom the fact of a heroine to have the same. This illusion of the audience is so contagious that it spreads into the minds of Indian cinema too.

Another dynamic that I find very interesting is the psyche of the Indian man towards this “heroine”. It seems as though he looks at her only as this sexual, desirable object which ceases to hold on to those qualities if the “heroine” were to have a personal life of her own. This further brings up another dynamic of fantasy v/s reality. When the audience goes to watch a film he is relating to this fantasy object (heroine) which in his mind is not real and therefore helps him to fantasize. Now when this “heroine” brings in a piece of reality like for example gets married to someone, it becomes difficult for the audience to freely fantasize about the “heroine” as they use to. It is as though unconsciously this so called desirable object has now become this mother like figure for the audience and would be incestuous to fantasize about her anymore.

The “hero” on the other hand seems to be indestructible and a very potent figure where he goes onto romancing heroines as old as his daughters. There is a complete denial in terms of the “hero’s” age. He just seems to go on for decades to come. The audience idealizes this hero like image and puts him up on a pedestal and ignores the reality bit of the hero as opposed to the “heroine” where the reality is taken cognizance of.

Ultimately it is a mind-set which is hard to change but one can start to at least ponder over why it needs to be the way it is.

Natasha Trivedi

(Psychotherapist/ Psychologist)